The Perils of People Pleasing

Dr. Julia Barrow Life Coach in Houston Logo mobile

The Perils of People Pleasing

Saying yes or agreeing to do something when we don’t want to usually has to do with our desire for acceptance and our unwillingness to feel discomfort.  It is people pleasing at its finest.

My coach calls out people pleasers as liars because they are not being their authentic selves.  At first, I thought that her assessment was rather harsh since most of us have participated in some sort of people pleasing at one time or another.  I mean, we just don’t want to cause a stir, right?

Well, if you don’t say no even when your schedule is booked or your workload is packed, you are people pleasing.

If you neglect standing up for yourself to avoid a conflict, you are people pleasing.

If you agree with others for the sake of being liked, you are people pleasing.

If you depend on likes or praise from others for validation, you are people pleasing.

The first way you know you are people pleasing is that you tell people what you think they want to hear instead of what you really think to avoid a difficult conversation or so that they will like you. 

The second way you know that you are people pleasing is if you are seething underneath because you did not say no and you are dealing with the consequences of not saying your truth.  We keep saying yes because we don’t want to deal with the discomfort of saying no.
So how do you stop people pleasing?  We start with being honest with ourselves and with others.  That’s it. 
Be aware of your people pleasing and choose to be honest.

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